Christmas Spirit and What Not

Up until about half an hour I had Christmas Spirit coming out the wazoo. No secret here. I love Christmas. I love the music, the lights and how everyone is pretty much forced to treat everyone else well for at least this one time of year. It is also a nice distraction from the never-ending hole that is winter. Lets be honest, we can take any distraction from winter that we can get.

I don't particularly care about the religious side of Christmas nor do I care too much for the commercialism of it all (even though I love getting and wrapping gifts). What I love is creating tradition, making people happy (or at least attempting to) and spending quality time with family.

When I was a kid Christmas was one of the only consistent things. The whole year could be crap and everyone could be treating everyone else like shit but you always new when Christmas came everything else would be put aside. Everyone would just be nice to each other and enjoy the holiday.

I have a bit of trouble with the integrated family thing. I don't like having to split up Christmas because of having two families (his and mine) to deal with. Then having one of the families (his) also have two more for their respective sides. So basically when we have kids and want to have immediate family Christmases then we will end up having five each year. Ours, mine, his, his moms side and his dads side. Yeesh, is this ever one time I'm glad my extended family isn't close!

Even through all of that I managed to keep everything okay. I am hosting my families side of things this year. It will be small and intimate just Mike, me, my brother and my mom. No my dad is not invited. He came last year that was good enough.

Since we have to split up the holiday I am doing Christmas Eve and Christmas morning then we leave in the afternoon to go to Mikes parents. My mom is planning a Christmas dinner with my brother and a couple of her friends.

Now here is the problem. Yes, I am being selfish and I know it. My mom wants to invite one of her male friends to come to my Christmas. And, of course, I don't want to offend anyone so I said it was okay. Because it's not that I don't like the person or anything and any other situation it would be fine. But this is very important to me. To me: Christmas = Family. This person is not my family.

It also makes it an odd number of people. Which makes a game we were going to play not work out. My brother requested that we play a specific game. Since my brother and I aren't close I wanted to do that for him. So I made (took me many hours) the game. Now it is all for waste.

I even re-covered my chairs. The thing is I only have four. Not enough chairs.

I suppose there is nothing I can do but attempt to make the best of this. He has no family on this side of the country. Since he is going to my moms for Christmas so he isn't alone I suppose he shouldn't have to be alone on Christmas eve either.

Mountains Flowers Cake

We booked the venue for our wedding!

Our wedding is June 5, 2010. It will take place in British Columbia, in the mountains (which shouldn't be a surprise since anyone who knows me knows that I love the mountains) and be by a hot spring.

I can not believe how accommodating the hotel is. The rooms are cheap and the event room is a steal. Food of course, is pretty standard everywhere. I think people might be a little shocked to have a paying bar. But then, really, what kind of rich people can afford to provide an open bar. Most of my Christmas shopping is going to happen at the dollar store. Open bar simply isn't happening.

I think some people are going to be peeved when they find out that we moved the wedding out of province but too bad for them.

I guess it is suiting that people end up mad at us about the wedding. Considering how selfish people are. I am honestly nervous about the wedding day. It is supposed to be this special day where the bride feels beautiful and loved. I am worried that I will have to hear about everyone Else's problems and expectations and about how they look and their makeup and hair. Them them them. I don't think that it is wrong to want this one day to myself and to Mike of course. He is the only other person who has a right to be selfish that day.

I picked my dress. It is beautiful and perfect and simple and elegant and not at all what I expected. It is not even the color that I expected. Which usually would throw a wrench in things but somehow with what the hotel includes (chair covers, etc) it ends up working perfectly together.

I have picked my cake and my invitations. I have even started making the confetti that will decorate the tables. I have a general idea for a guest book and what I want for my bouquet. I know that I want it to be outside and that my brother is going to give me away.

I think I am the somewhat hypocritical simplistic bride. I want simple, clean elegant. We aren't having a bridal party we are having the day be about just the two of us, our vows, our life together. I don't really care about seating (or even if people will be standing), if anything is organized. I don't care if there isn't much decorations beyond table centerpieces or what kind of suit the groom decides to wear. I don't care about the dinner or the dance. I don't care how the tables are set up.

I don't want a big production. We will do our own music and have a simple ceremony and hopefully some fun pictures.

The reason it is hypocritical is because of the things who's details I am obsessing about. The dress (understandable). But there is also the invitations and table confetti. It seems such a stupid thing to say I want a simple wedding then obsess over the perfect color paper to make little flower confetti.

I am so excited!

I am excited to be married. I am excited to enter this new chapter in my life. I wish it was all over with pictures and memories we can reflect on. I am most excited for the ceremony, the vows. It is the moment I have gone over in my mind the most. I can not think of any happier times in our relationship than when we have been able to show or vocalize our commitment and love for each other. There is something so comforting and joyous in the idea of forever and the idea that someone chose you. Some one chose me. And greatest of all. He is the person I chose too.

I am so grateful. To have a home, a love, a pet, comfort of luxuries and best of all, hope for the future.

Laundry List

I really need to write every time I get the urge. Instead I let life continue on and I never let anything out. Though, I suppose it is better than letting things stew. I am infamous for letting things get me too worked up.

Today is: 4 days since I got home from Mexico, 25 days until Christmas (mine starts on the 24th), 33 days until New Years, 187 days until the Wedding.

I think I will have to write down some of the experiences I had in Mexico. It would really be a shame to not remember. Also, I think Spanish may be a helpful language to learn. I am not sure how much use I would have for it in my actual life but I think I might want to learn it at some point.

I am sure everyone is sick of all the drama that my life has revolved around for the last year and some. Writing the open letter to my dad was a very liberating experience. At the time I felt glad to do it but also relieved that neither him or my mom had a chance to read it. In light of recent events I am thinking that it may need to be revised and actually sent out.

I keep saying I will cut ties but then I still have hope. I keep giving him the benefit of the doubt and opportunities to make things right. I go in with hopes (but no expectations) of an apology but every encounter is awkward. Then after each encounter I just wait and see what of the conversation gets twisted around and sent back through the grapevine. Most recently I have heard that he is telling everyone that I am stupid and irresponsible with my money. Ironic from someone who is not only past due on all of his bills but most likely committing fraud to cover that. Not to mention the fact that he has folded many companies and gone personally bankrupt and that is just the tip of the iceberg.

In all honestly, when I see him I only let him think I am barely making ends meet (whether it is true or not) because I worry that he will ask me for money. Who knows if there is a 10th birthday gift that he thinks I owe him on. It wouldn't be the first time. I guess I just expect it now.

I wish there was some way to cut ties so that he would just shut up. So that he wouldn't trash talk me to people he knows or to other members of my family. I wish he would grow up and stop fighting dirty. What is wrong with people that they feel sorry for him? I am starting to think he has a mental defect. But then I don't know why peoples selfishness ever surprises me.

Enough about that.

I am hosting Christmas this year. I am a combination of excited and nervous. I am undecided if a turkey will be involved. I have never made a turkey before.

I am going to put up the Christmas tree, some lights, ornaments and bake holiday treats. I am going to make stockings, wrap presents and listen to Christmas music.

I am also getting very excited for the wedding. Which seems odd to me since I am the only one. Which is more odd since I wasn't even the one who wanted a wedding. I would have been just as happy to elope. Now I am the only one doing the planning and those around me with the occasional exception of my mom don't really care.

So, here on this blog, I will discuss my plans as if there is someone out there other than me who is excited to hear them. But since I want to post more. I will save that for next time!

Living the Dream

Oh yeah.

Okay, not yet. But tomorrow I would like to think I am living the dream. Though this particular dream may require just a little bit of caffeine since it is after midnight and I have to be up in 6hrs. I also have a fair bit of stuff to do before I go to bed.

I suppose I shouldn't be doing frivolous things like blogging or getting sucked into playing Bejeweled Blitz.

My camera and bathing suit are ready and I have my list of places to see for possible wedding destinations. Mountains here I come!!

Secret Mini-Break

Going to the mountains! Well, assuming I can find suitable lodging. I suppose that shouldn't be a problem since it is now off-season.

The plan is to take off Friday morning and head to BC. Once there we can do the combined romantic weekend, hot springs and scouting wedding locations.

I am quite excited. It has been a while since I have been to the mountains and this will be the first actual wedding planning thing that Mike has participated in.

I need to remember to take lots of pictures.